As some of you know, I have decided to apply to substitute teach next year. In case you have not heard completing the application process requires many, many steps and in the words of my neighbor, a PhD in paperwork. So I have been to the training, filled out all of the paper work, gotten all of the references, and jumped through all of the required hoops except one: fingerprinting. The state of Texas has decided that every employee working in a public school be fingerprinted. (I was actually a little shocked that this is a new law. This seems like kind of a no-brainer to me).
Anyway, so I go to get fingerprinted at some random sub contractor required by the district. I get there and all is going so well. I can almost see the light at the end of this process. My name is called. I smile for the picture, give them my forms, and put my fingers down on the scanner. And then the fingerprinter gasps, "um do you work with acid on a daily basis, " she asks. I smile, thinking she is joking. She looks at me now with a totally serious face. "I am sorry, you have no fingerprints."
How is this possible? After the initial shock the printer explains that you can literally wear your prints off of your fingers. She tells me that cleaning without gloves my be the problem or working with acetone or using foot scrubs or ex-foliating creams. She asked me repeatedly if I had burned my fingers or worked constantly with acid. I know she thinks I am lying when I deny heavy acid usage. So for the first time in my life I get a 30%, only 3 of my fingers have viable prints.
The fingerprinter tried over and over again rolling my fingers back and forth across the scanner. When all 10 were done the computer classified my prints as "amputee." Crazy!!! I knew I was thin skinned, but this is ridiculous. I guess there is an upside, if the whole subbing thing doesn't work out I can always work as a thief. No prints, as long as I don't use my thumbs, I am untraceable.
2 comments:
That is HILARIOUS!!!! Just had to comment because I got a kick out of your story! (I discovered you via Jen Wegner).
Have a blessed summer!
So funny! That was a good story. I remember the same process when I started work as a teacher. Thanks for sharing (found you through Jen's blog.)
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